warzone

saya sesungguh sungguhnya bingung dengan kebiasan orang berkomentar di media sosial, ntah kenapa gampang banget komen dipoto orang (terlepas orang tersebut terkenal atau tidak).

“gendut”

“ih ketekny item”

dsb

seakan-akan dia menulis tanpa ada yang baca, sekalipun dia beranggapan begitu sepertinya perlu koreksi hati kali ya… kok hati saya begini amat.

atau ada juga yang suka menuliskan/menyebarkan kebencian. sungguh saya bingung, apakah begitu ‘nyarunya’ hawa kebencian itu sampai-sampai yang menyebarkan tidak merasakannya. kalo pun sadar membenci, apakah sadar kenapa bisa benci? bahkan kadang benci pada orang yang bertemu pun belum.

saya rasa kritis itu bisa dilakukan tanpa kebencian, dan kebencian bisa dicegah dengan tau batasan. batasan kalo kita ini manusia yang tidak sempurna, yang bisa juga salah, yang energi dan pikirannya terbatas. sehingga kita tidak selalu merasa benar, tidak selalu maunya harus jadi. Karena kita kan bukan Tuhan.

karena perjuangan kita bukanlah melawan darah dan daging, tetapi melawan pemerintah-pemerintah, melawan penguasa-penguasa, melawan penghulu-penghulu dunia yang gelap ini, melawan roh-roh jahat di udara. -Paulus

kalo menurut prinsip hidup saya, perang tuh bukan manusia lawan manusia, perang yang bener tuh lawan roh-roh jahat. itu sih versi saya 🙂 gak tau versi orang lain

 

expectation

I heard so many times that disapointment come from high expectation.

but how low that i need to put my expectation so i dont have to face dissapointment?

and what confuse me more is,

hope/believe in someone is the part of loving him/her right?.

you cant love when you cant trust or put your hope in him right?

times go by and i still confused

until i found my eureka, when I read gary thomas book tittled sacred married. the word that i need to hear is ‘limitation’

yes… any human being, no matter how cool they look like or how big their muscles are, they have limitation.

and of course my husband….

so, silly me if i expect him beyond his limitation as a human. when i expect him to read my mind, heal my wound, know what is in my heart, fulfil my dream, etc i just hallucinating. he cant 100% does that!

i dont have to lower my expectation, i just need to have right expectation, wisdom to know what and a big heart to accept that dissapointment is a good teacher.

yes girl, dissapointment is a good teacher. every experience, good or bad can be a good teacher in your life when you let them be.

so….

let it beeee…. let it beeee

ujian

segala sesuatu itu perlu diuji

beli baju aja dicoba dulu,

makanya rendah hati teruji ketika ditindas, sabar teruji ketika ditekan,

oleh karena itu,

kalo iman kita hanya bergantung pada jumlah pengikut, pada cerita-cerita  pertobatan orang lain, pada ‘keajaiban2’. mungkin iman kita hanya sebatas baper.

dan rasanya belum teruji ya…

kata daud saja bilang

“tertindas itu baik bagiku, sehingga aku boleh belajar ketetapan-ketetapan-Mu”

 

Cinta

Cinta

it’s pretty hard to describe the meaning of that word nor to understand it. At least for me. it is so general yet so specific. so complicated yet so simple

so when my time experiencing ‘love’ for a man came, i confused for quite sometimes.

“is it love or?”

“what is love anyway?”

i often asked.

and after all, it tells me

that love is as simple as missing him,

think about him,

want him to be happy,

want to make him happy,

care about him

accept him

the list may grow longer and deeper, when we ready… when we somehow grow stronger in life

but for now love as much as you know,

as hard as you can

 

ya sudahlah ya…

Pernahkah kita menilai hidup orang lain?

kok dia belum bikin TA, kok dia belum lulus, kok dia belum kerja, kok dia belum punya pacar, kok dia belum nikah?

dan dengan cara yang sama menilai hidup kita juga.

kok gw begini ga begitu?

gw suka khilaf (khilaf kok sering :p), lupa kalo timeline orang tuh beda-beda.

Terlepas dari keras kepalanya, malasnya, yang membuat kehidupan seseorang stagnan atau jalan ditempat, tapi hal itu tidak meniadakan satu kebenaran kalo jalan hidup orang itu beda-beda.

dan ada satu hal yang namanya “belum waktunya”

mungkin kalo gw jadi abraham waktu Tuhan bilang keturuananmu akan seperti pasir, gw bakal jawab “basi… mading udah terbit”

tapi apa yang mungkin menurut mata manusia terlambat, kata Dia belum waktunya.

Dia yang merancang setiap episode hidup kita,  dan yang merancang setiap adegan yang bertalian dengan ribuan adegan-adegan lainnya pasti punya pertimbangan sendiri.

dan ketika gw bertanya kenapa kok orang itu belum begitu atau kok gw masih begini

Dia cuma bales ” pernahkah Aku terlambat?”

 

ya sudahlah ya…

 

im fine, thank you

when someone asking “how are you?”

for a while i will try to retrieve some information and moments to define my condition. and “im fine” is pretty much conclude those moments.

or because it’s the easiest answer, no further question, full stop.

but if you want to hear a little longer version.

here it is…

now im learning that to get some stuff you need to fight for it, fight so hard, day and night. but… some stuff, all you need is to wait and enjoy the waiting.

I learn that after all, everything you ask shouldn’t about you, but about Him, so why you have to be so stubborn about it, and have bitterness toward Him.

not my will but thy will be done

as long as my amygdala can remember this

“im fine, thank you” 🙂

dilemma

I believe that we as a normal person willing to help others in need,

until the needs of others overlapping with our needs.

we have our own limit on how much money we want to spend, how long we want to wait, how far we want to go for others…

and that’s normal, but as a believer i know, I need to practice to make my boundary bigger

so I can master the art of  bearing uncomfortable situation when I (rarely 🙂 ) choose to put a side my needs and help others.

but the bigger dilemma is:

is it right to help them?